My disbelief in the Law of Attraction (pt. 2)

After months of feeling bitterness and self-pity, all due to a friend’s betrayal, I finally found a way to resolve my issues. I wanted to share and celebrate my newfound victory on my former blog on the Law of Attraction Network.

The next day I woke up and logged on to the Law of Attraction site. I was immediately shocked at my blog’s comment section.

There was this one long rant on my post by this other user, “Bertha”. According to her, I was the asshole. I played the victim and gave out a lot of victim energy. Therefore, my poor friend Will could not help but act the bully. Also, I’m a loser who can’t get a decent girlfriend and blamed my life’s problems on other people. Another reason why I am a loser is because apparently I never accepted Jenna’s rejection. For some reason, I was visually disturbed and looked creepy as well.

I wish I can write more of her accusations. Again, the Law of Attraction site doesn’t keep any permanent records so I can only recall from memory. Either way, Bertha went crazy. I never saw anyone have so much hate over a blog post. She really had it in for me. I still find it funny that she said I was visually disturbed, considering she was in Canada typing up her vitriol and I was in the US. Seriously, we have never met face to face.

Bertha could have sent me a private message to discuss her objections. Instead she decided to publicly humiliate me.

Never mind that I was trying to forgive Will for his transgressions. Never mind that I also respected Jenna’s need for distance. Never mind that I was trying to resolve my negative emotions without taking it out on others. As far as Bertha, I deserved any scorn that came my way.

I would like to write more on Bertha and the Law of Attraction’s #1 fallacy, but first I want to write a little bit on the conclusion of my office drama.

The affirmations served as a gateway to other exercises that I did, especially creative visualization and self-hypnosis. All those helped me address any other vestiges of negativity. Jenna and I did become friends later on. However, years later, I came to realize that we were better off as friends. We have very different political viewpoints. Things did normalize between Will and I, however I don’t trust him anymore.

Now back to Bertha.

When Bertha wrote her long rant, she espoused the same LOA belief that nobody likes: if something bad happens to someone, it’s because s/he brought to him or herself. There are lots of “explanations” as to why this happens such as bad karma or our souls wanting to be abused for a special lesson (HELLO MARQUIS DE SADE). In the end, though, we bought our problems to ourselves.

What Bertha forgot was that every human being possesses sentience, agency, and most importantly thoughts. If anything, how we act is due to our thinking. The only way to change our actions is to change our thinking. Sometimes we also need to understand why we think the way we do. The question that Bertha never asked was: what the hell was everyone thinking?

I do want to write my ideas pertaining to this reverse love triangle, but I do hesitate for two main reasons:

The first reason is that psychology is practically a form of witchcraft, even in this modern society. Most people do know about the existence of the subconscious mind, but they don’t know how it works. So a lot I wish to write can sound very esoteric. Also some people can’t handle nuance.

Also, I don’t know you nor do you know me. For all I know, some of you might not like me and assume the worst about my character. It’s a lot easier for me to be as guarded about my emotions since some people get off on shaming others, just like how Bertha in my case.

Either way here are my thoughts.

There is one stereotype about straight men: if he likes a woman, he will or must go after her— hell or high water. The whole idea of having second thoughts is considered either impossible or unmanly. Nothing is more important than conquest! I did find Jenna attractive, but did that mean I must have sex with her no matter what? Hell no. At the time I was thinking of moving to China or Korea. Years prior the whole drama, I started studying Zen to prevent myself from committing suicide and I wanted to go into further study. My work hours were long and volatile and my home life was no picnic either. My only salvation seemed to lie in moving abroad. Besides, I also had a crush on a married coworker. Was I supposed to go after her, too? Give me a break!

I’ll be honest, when Jenna did reject me, there was that egotistic part of me that wanted her to say otherwise. What got me frustrated was that my ego wouldn’t shut up. I had one side that wanted her and another that wanted to respect her wishes. I also did feel ashamed that Jenna kept her distance from me. I understood why she did so, and I felt it reflected poorly on me.

I wanted to forgive Will, because we all mistakes. I also wanted to hurt him because he deliberately jeopardized our friendship. Since he was a supervisor, I had to work with him. But I also had to suppress a lot of hate.

My mind was a cacophony of emotions.

That was small part of what I was thinking. What about everyone else? Here are my assumptions. Sorry if they aren’t politically correct.

Jenna, being attractive as she is, was probably used to having guys chase her. I do like to think that the reason why she was polite in her rejection was that I wasn’t too much of a creep. I knew she was surprised at my asking her out since, up until then, we hardly talked.

I can only guess that with Bertha, since she had her “successes” with the Law of Attraction, she felt she had the right to judge others. Again, the Law of Attraction is loose cult and most literature on the subject forbid questioning the teaching lest one fails at invoking said “Law”. Since bad things “never” happen to good people, to Bertha I was a bad person. Bertha did mention about her rejecting a guy in her long comment. Maybe she was projecting her anger on to me there. I also get the feeling she hated it when men openly talk about their feelings.

What about Will? He has a thing for “tough guys”. He respects aggressive human beings, even if he doesn’t like them. I don’t come off as aggressive. Half the time when people in the office tried to start a fight with me, I walk away. I was too busy to fight people over petty issues, but he probably misinterpreted that for me for being weak. Plus superiors routinely verbally abused their subordinates, so he probably felt it was in his right to do the same.

Some might say, like one coworker, that I should have put up a more tough guy demeanor. That way I would have prevented any bullying from Will. Here is the problem, my passively pacifist attitude did not compel him to be a bully. It influenced him, but not compel him. What does that mean? It means he could have chosen not to the bully if he didn’t want to do so. He made that choice to jeopardize our friendship and did so freely.

On my end, Will influenced me to want to use my martial arts skills on him. After what he did and after the way he devalued my loyalty and friendship, I wanted him to feel pain. Did I go out and assault him? No. While he influenced the desire to do such a thing, I freely made the choice not to go that route.

However, he did influence me to do something else. He influenced me to go to Korea. After everything was said and done between Will and myself, I thought about how it never crossed Will’s mind at how immature and childish he acted. Not only was I his friend, I was his loyal lieutenant. Whatever he asked me to do, I did it without question. Yet even then, he didn’t think twice about the consequences of his actions. Who knows what other schemes and plans he would concoct in the future? Why stay around when I could go off to some exciting adventures?

I also must state, although I was thinking a lot of going back to Asia, I let my dreams fall out of the wayside. Will’s drama became that catalyst that pushed me to go back there.

I’ve often written that the Law of Attraction has less to do with quantum physics and more to do with psychology. A lot of what happened in regards to drama, like the one I have just written about, has less to do with mathematically precise physical laws and more to do with probability-based human emotions. There are no guarantees as to how people act.

Will could have, for example, took a walk and asked himself if it was wise to meddle in another person’s affairs. Jenna could have cut me down to size and maybe even submit a complaint. Bertha could have simply sent me a message and asked if we can talk things over. I could have taken the vindictive route and focused all on my energy on revenge.

In the end, why did we all act the way we did? Simple, it has nothing to do with “energy” or karma or whatever. It’s all because of our minds and minds alone.

5 thoughts on “My disbelief in the Law of Attraction (pt. 2)

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